Medication Warning Blanket
Teres
Trigger Warnings: Suicide, Self Harm, Mania, Drugs
6Apr23
The Medication Warning Blanket satirizes the mile long medication information packets that come with prescriptions. It has comedic elements, odd in-jokes, and is just pure insanity. Having a blanket that says "Inevitable Hallucinations of Stoned Giraffes Screaming Slurs" feels wonderful. We based the formatting and structure off our latest information packet we recieved as of writing it. What really got us engaged with creating this was the study section which mentioned "Abnormal Ejaculation" and then never clarified what the fuck that means. We are anxious about that medication now.
Saccheide Extended Release Capsule
Owlet Pharmaceuticals
11610 Euclid Ave, Cleveland, OH 44106
Phone +1 216-555-6969
Fax +1 216-555-6968
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These highlights do not include all the information needed to use Sacchiede Extended Release Capsule safely and effectively. See full prescribing information for Sacchiede Extended Release Capsule.
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WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND BEHAVIOURS
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See full prescribing information for complete boxed warning.
Increased risk of suicidal thinking and behaviour in 98 of 100 children, adolescents, and young adults taking Saccheide. (11.5)
Monitor for worsening and emergence of suicidal thoughts and behaviours or leave patient to care for themselves if they lack the insurance coverage.
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WARNING: MANIA AND HALLUCINATIONS
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See full prescribing information for complete boxed warning.
Likely to cause a manic episode with co-occuring hallucinations of giraffes smoking weed screaming slurs at you for the first few months of use. (11.6)
It is inevitable and unavoidable, and thus does not require monitoring.
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Recent Major Changes
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Warnings and Precautions, Abnormal amount of fingernails (5.07)
Warnings and Precautions, Sexual Dysfiguration (5.19)
Warnings and Precautions, Abnormal Ejaculation (5.26)
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(1) Indications and Usage
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Acts as a sugar pill to get your patients to just shut the fuck up and give you more money. Indicated for:
- Decreased Libido
- Hyperactive Libido
- Fibromyalgia
- Genetic Disorders
- Cancer
- Infants addicted to morphine
- Hair loss
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(2) Dosage and Administration
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Start with a dosage of 5mg. Increase dosage by 50mg every month until patient starts to complain about finances or side effects that may require investigation from the FDA. From there, back off dose in increments of 1mg until barely tolerable. Applies for all indications.
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(3) Dosage Forms and Strengths
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ER Capsules: 0.5mg, 24mg, 999mg
Patch: 5g
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(4) Contraindications and Drug Interactions
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None researched enough to achieve a conclusive result on specifically your medications and conditions.
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(5) Warnings and Adverse Reactions
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See full prescribing information for precautions
5.01 Decreased blood pressure
5.02 Decreased clotting behavior in smaller lacerations
5.03 Dangerously Increased Libido
5.04 Generalized Muscular Pain
5.05 Generalized Pain
5.06 Permenant Fibromyalgia
5.07 Abnormal amount of fingernails
5.08 Dangerously Decreased Libido
5.09 Gene degradation
5.10 Birth defects
5.11 Miscarriage
5.12 Cancer
5.13 Suicidal Ideation
5.14 Self Harm Ideation
5.15 Depression
5.16 Mania
5.17 Hallucinations and Delusions
5.18 Inevitable Manic Hallucinative State of Stoned Giraffes Screaming Slurs
5.19 Sexual Dysfiguration
5.20 Erections lasting longer than 12 Hours
5.21 Increase in Morphine Addiction Rate
5.22 Memory Loss
5.23 Seizure-like activity
5.24 Hyper continence
5.25 Hair Loss
5.26 Abnormal Ejaculation
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(6) Use in Specific Populations
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6.01 Pregnant or Imminently Pregnant
6.02 Genetic Disorder
6.03 Intelligent or Difficult to Deceive
6.04 Addicted to Morphine
6.05 Infant
6.06 Emotionally Vulnerable
6.07 Financially Destitute
6.08 Morally Destitute
6.09 Drank mustard in middle school to assert dominance
6.10 Sexually Inactive
6.11 Sexually Active
6.12 Sexually Alternative
6.13 Raging Homosexual
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(7) Drug abuse and dependence
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Saccheide has a low chance of abuse . Its side effects and inefficacy drives doctors and patients who looked it up on the internet away from starting.
Saccheide becomes incredibly toxic when concentration in the body becomes below 1 mcg/ml (10). The medication is impossible to wean off of without risk of death. Dialysis reduces the chance of death weaning off to 49%
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(8) Overdosage
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Dosages above 50mcg/ml are lethal 98% of the time. Dosages below 1 mcg/ml are lethal 96% of the time.
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(9) Clinical Pharmacology
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As researched by the art student trying to develop a satirical prescription information packet blanket at 01:56:03, they have no fucking clue how to read any of this and nor do they want to. So uh. Ante cibum bis in die gutta hora somni oculus dexter oculus sinister per os post cibum pro re nata quaque hora quaque die quarter in die signa ter in die. Ante cibum bis in die gutta hora somni oculus dexter oculus sinister per os post cibum pro re nata quaque hora quaque die quarter in die signa ter in die. Ante cibum bis in die gutta hora somni oculus dexter oculus sinister per os post cibum pro re nata quaque hora quaque die quarter in die signa ter in die. Ante cibum bis in die gutta hora somni oculus dexter oculus sinister per os post cibum
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(10) Nonclinical Toxicology
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Saccheide becomes incredibly toxic when concentration becomes below 5 mcg/ml. It’s molecule breaks apart into chlorine and various aldehydes. Chlorine toxicity symptoms include:
10.01 Breathing Difficulties
10.02 Coughing and Wheezing
10.03 Chest Tightness
10.04 Blurry Vision
10.05 Watery Eyes
10.06 Abdominal Pain
10.07 Pain or Burning in the Nose, Mouth, or Eyes
10.08 Nausea
10.09 Vomiting
10.10 Blood in Vomit or Stools
10.11 Rapid changes in blood pressure
10.12 Skin irritation and blisters
10.13 Pulmonary Edema
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(11) Storage and Handling
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Must be stored in a dry, cryogenic container.
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View other side for full prescribing information in a font size only legible to mice.
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