Somatic Experiencing: Parallel

Somatic Experiencing: Parallel

Teres, Chloe, V
Trigger Warnings: Restraints, Assault, Sexual Assault, Medical Malpractice

The metal shavings scar our wrists as we struggle
The smell of our blood fuses with that of the steel
Forming a smell reminiscent to rosemary
Pulled back
Sudden and forceful
Gripping tighter
About to rip our arms from our torso
But manages not to
Another wraps tighter and tighter
Digging further like barbed wire
Flowing down our arms like vindictive vines
Pinpricks, slashes, scars
They suddenly flood away
In response to something
Wrapping our arms
The swirl of the fingerprints
The lines leading towards the arches of the palms
a clammy damp warmth
still sucking heat away
Swirling our figure
A finger swipes our throat
swipes our wrist
swipes under our breast
grabs our breast
grabs our chin and pulls it sideways
grabs our crotch
we silently struggle
mumbling to ourselves
they wont let go of me
they wont let go of me
they wont let go of me
they wont let go of me
they wont let go of me
they wont let go of me
alone in our room
laying in bed
no one there
but a locked door
deadbolt on
another closed door
a knife on the counter
a dog napping next to us
no one there
no one there.

no one there...


Familiar links
Not remembered
But connected through others
Known through happenstance
A slipped tongue or forgotten image



Ten in total
Two on our right wrist
On our left
On both our ankles
Two on our head
Restraining us as we scream and writhe
Begging to escape
Light shining bright into our eyes
Unable to see clearly
Forcing our eye open


Autistic hypersensitivity and innate fear of things in our eyes be damned
Though we understand their importance
What the fuck.
Seriously, what the fuck.
Restraints won't be easy the first time, and it will be so much harder the next
The last thing this will do is solve anxiety around eyedrops
And it makes the stories of nonconsentual touch so much worse
Playing into eachother in a cruel ballet of bullshit
One triggering the other
A handshake of stories to grab us

Touch without warning becomes troublesome
Stumbling between feeling helpless and weak
our body fading
fear overwhelming
And instinct
Breaking someones fucking arm
And having to mask between the two

Affectionate touch as well
Like a shelter dog, having to learn
You won't kick them
You won't choke them
You won't zap them
You just want to give love and affection
And it's safe to get.