we stopped fighting

We Stopped Fighting

Taz

Trigger Warnings: Rape, Suicide, Violence

17Jan22

when we were a kid, we didn't know what we were
we laid in a bed that felt like a turbulent ocean
lucid dreams, appearing messages, and lost time
we thought it was normal
no one really talked to us
we were outcast
no frame of reference
goal is to outlast
this is normal

walk alone
empty streets
empty sheets
our blood is poison
our skin is dead
scour it a thousand times but it never sheds
cry alone in this empty bed
wonder if you're better off dead
someone poisoned you

someone messed with your skull
they broke your soul
they tore at your arms
your heart we console
they followed you on that street
they deserve to be beat
if only they were

helpless
alone
no one describes what it's like
the seconds after

everything is quiet
everything is chaos
everything is compacting
everything isn't safe
everything isn't seen
our lungs get air but can't breathe
our brain barely seethes
as all feels hopeless
all feels gone

no one believes you
not at first
they scurry around
like their head is lost
as if our brain isn't permafrost
the cops are useless
its you they'd rather shoot
if there aren't cameras around
you're better off mute
he said she said
the victims just bled
raped in the cells
silent funeral bells
what does it matter

just take our power away

its not like we can use it anymore

maybe things aren't normal
we can't argue it
hundreds of headmates
alters galore
used to hide ourselves in a drawer
broken out a thousand times
a thousand chimes
covered in grime
from all the crimes
left against it

but we persist
we break through the drawer and we'd do it again
bend our own will til' it breaks
we aren't allowed to give up
no matter how much you slip into our cup
we still are conscious
we don't compare
because we chose to heal
our bandages wrap thicker than your blade
it's you who should be afraid
you'll be the one who paid for your pain
watching the end of your reign

we were an outcast
but we found our family
we found solid ground
because of them we never drowned
and we need nothing else
even if we lose ourselves
they find us
we stopped fighting
finding those who care